From early childhood we are taught to behave in ways that are approved by others. As children, we are naturally open, yet dependent on the lead set by others. To follow the lead set by our consanguinity, colleagues, preceptors, etc., provides us with security. Sooner or later we realize it is easier to base our behavior on "what is expected of us" rather than on "what is meaningful to us." Sometimes we become so dependent on the "circumjacent" standards that we no longer know what we truly feel.

The habit of behaving in an approved manner is comforting because it means that we seldom have to look at our shortcomings or take responsibility for our own lives.

What value is there in living like this? When we live in a constant approval-seeking mode, our feelings are buried alive. Feelings buried alive, however, live! We are unable to experience pleasure or joy very deeply; suppressing our inner nature blocks the flow of our actions and relationships with others.

We manage to maintain a smooth manner, hiding our true feelings. But though we act as if everything were fine – "How are you?" "Just fine, thank you." – dissatisfaction gradually builds up within us. We become skilled at creating the impression that things are going well.

We wait. We spend much of our life waiting. What a strange hold this waiting has on us. Waiting for a sign. Waiting to be rescued. Not committing ourselves to anything until everything is right. Waiting for the grand opportunity, when our full talents and feelings will be unleashed and used up.

Approval by its very nature traps us in a way of living that makes even our leisure activities superficial and disappointing. We do not know where to turn to find value in life. Because we find so little fulfillment within ourselves, we may look for happiness and self-worth in possessions and social success.

All of us want the best out of life. We want to be healthy and happy and to have things that can enrich our experience. Yet, though we strive for these things, we end up dissatisfied. We may have a "good" life. But if we do not tap our own inner nature, then a large portion of each day is spent doing something we do not truly care about and would rather not be doing. We may spend so much of our lives seeking approval that we never awaken to the joy of real living.

A basic need of all human beings is to make a positive commitment to our fellow human beings, as well as to grow and enjoy our personal lives. To a great degree, our personal sense of self-worth is a function of how much we are living this commitment. Taking a stand with your life and work, at its best, involves being yourself, completely and naturally, being honest, and choosing something (or many things) that you genuinely love to do, and that your strengths support.

"Until one is committed
there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back,
always ineffectiveness,
Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation),
There is one elementary truth,
The ignorance of which kills countless ideas
And splendid plans:
That the moment one definitely commits oneself,
Then Providence moves too.
All sorts of things occur to help one
That would never otherwise have occurred.
A whole stream of events issues from the decision,
Raising in one’s favour all manner
Of unforeseen incidents and meetings
And material assistance
Which no man could have dreamt
Would have come his way.

I have learned a deep respect
For one of Goeth’s couplets:
‘Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.’"

-W.H.Murray

Probably the hardest part of getting what we want in life is, first, just figuring out what we really want; but, second, to "begin it," to take that first step.

In order to make a difference, we’ve got to be able to make commitments in our lives. When we have a commitment to create or accomplish something, we deeply desire it, believe we can do it, and are totally willing to have it. The clearer and stronger the intention, the more quickly and easily the goal will manifest itself, and usually within a short time.

Goal-setting does not mean we have to suffer. Goals can be made in the spirit that life is a "mystery to be lived" or a "game to be played." Without meaningful goals, we run the risk of encountering what Thoureau described as "...living lives of quiet desperation...".

Many of us go through life not clear about what we want, but pretty sure this isn’t it! Relatively few people have set well defined, realistic, and rewarding goals for themselves. Probably ninety out of a hundred people live their present lives reactively, as it unfolds, with little of their behavior aimed at bringing about long-term results.

Yet everyone has dreams. Our dreams or visions for our lives come in varying degrees of intensity and priority. The priorities shift and change with events in our lifetime, and with movement from one stage of life to another.

An ancient philosopher said, "Age puts more wrinkles in the mind than in the face." Although there is no law that we must become more rigid, narrow, and resistant to change and commitment, this seems to happen to a majority of us as we grow older. We learn to not care so much; to not take a stand. Why? Why do we tend to set our values and opinions in concrete and settle down the comfortable routines that we follow for the rest of our lives?

Relatively few people maintain a conscious principle of taking a stand – continuing to learn new things, setting new goals, and becoming more awake in various areas. Purpose and goal-setting go hand and hand.

I have observed that purpose-full people organize their lives around learning experiences and opportunities to try new and different things. They consciously include activities in their lives which challenge them and bring out strengths and talents they never knew they had. They consciously reflect on their touchstone values and principles and keep organizing and reorganizing their lives so as to live those values as much as possible. They take responsibility for making their lives interesting and making their lives make a difference. It seems to come down to this basic, observable truth: Life is either hard and satisfying or easy and unsatisfying.

Leider,R. (1997), Power of Purpose: Creating Meaning in Your Life and Work, (Berrett-Koehler Publisher).

Wehlage, N. (1999), Goals for Living: Managing Your Resources, (Goodheart-Wilcox Publisher).