2005 Movie Reviews

Well, looks like we endured another summer movie season at the Cineplex, complete with talking teenagers, ringing cellphones and crying babies. For the most part, the movies were dreadful. But then again, our expectations weren't that high in the first place.

The following is a series of capsule reviews of movies that I have seen in the Cineplex

theaters of Las Vegas, Lehi, American Fork, St. George, Honolulu, Lahaina, Kahului, and Salt Lake City, in 2005.

The synopsis comments are taken from http://www.rottentomatoes.com/, and http://www.imdb.com/. Most of the sardonic observations are mine, as are the letter grades.

1. 40 Year Old Virgin, The (Grade B) is a kooky kaleidoscope of a film, where right is wrong and smart is stupid.

2. A History of Violence (Grade B) The film presents a graphic illustration of what might have happened had Charles Manson visited Mayberry …only darker!

3. A lot Like Love ( Grade C+) As in all romantic comedies, chemistry between the stars is the key to a successful movie -- and the Kutcher/Peet combination definitely works in this regard.

4. A Wake in Providence (Grade D+) a film full of stereotypes, absurd caricatures, and cornball humor about an Italian man who brings his black girlfriend home to meet the family.

5. Aeon Flux (Grade C- ) 400 years in the future, as a disease has wiped out most of the Earth's population, many of those who have survived live in Bregna, a walled city-state ruled by scientists.

6. Alexander (Grade B-) a lavishly mounted, film featuring a charismatic cast and stunning battle scenes, but without a strongly defined story, the audience is left to bounce from battle to battle and speech to speech with very little explanation of what is happening or why.

7. Bad News Bears ( Grade C+) Sure, you'll feel a bit ashamed laughing at the raunchy, tasteless humor, but it's a dark theater and no one will know it is you.

8. Batman Begins (Grade B) explores the origins of the Batman legend and the Dark Knight's emergence as a force for good in Gotham.

9. Beautiful Country, The (Grade B+) The plight of Asian refugees is sensitively rendered, and the movie builds, to a wrenchingly poignant conclusion.

10. Beauty Shop (Grade C-) a mildly entertaining spin-off of the Barbershop films, is about a hardworking hairdresser who finally gets to open her own ghetto fabulous shop.

11. Because of Winn-Dixie ( Grade B-) Like a big glass of milk and a slice of apple pie, Because of Winn-Dixie is just as wholesome as it gets, if you don't mind overdosing on the sugar once in awhile.

12. Bewitched (Grade B-) a sophisticated situation comedy (considered light and fluffy by some) features relevant cultural themes in a fantasy context.

13. Bride and Prejudice (Grade B-) puts an entirely different spin on Jane Austen’s story of spirited courtship - Bollywood-style. Music, dance and spectacle merge with love, vanity and social pressures, as the film transports the comic tale of a witty young woman trying to find a suitable husband to a cross-cultural setting that spans 21st century India, London and America.

14. Broken Flowers (Grade B+) the film seems to assess the four stages (or four patterns) of love which all of us may experience at one time or another in our life.

15. Cinderella Man (Grade A) carrying on his shoulders the hopes and dreams of the disenfranchised masses, James J. Braddock, dubbed the "Cinderella Man," faces his toughest challenger in Max Baer the heavyweight champion of the world, renowned for having killed two men in the ring.

16. Closer ( Grade D+) is a bromidic, uninteresting, tiresome and dull portrait of four strangers whose burgeoning relationships intertwine with one another.

17. Coach Carter (Grade B+) a film that should be required viewing for America’s teenagers, Teacher’s Unions, and Liberal Democrats on why their failed education system with its conforming by dumbing down, has doomed most inner city youths to another cycle of poverty, violence, drugs, and failure.

18. Crash (Grade B+) this film documents how racial strife seems universal where diverse races are placed in a single country, and authenticates how the combination of intense criticism of "white racism" plus the extensive legal privileges or "quotas" for "non-whites" amount to a program of anti-white racial aggression in America.

19. Dark Water (Grade B-) an intelligent, brooding ghost story brimming with atmosphere, emotions and, above all else, water, but it's disappointingly short on scares.

20. Dear Frankie (Grade B+) Frankie is a nine-year-old deaf boy being raised by his single mother, Lizzie, who for years has been writing letters to her son, pretending to be his estranged father. When circumstances make a paternal visit seem possible to the boy, Lizzie hires a stranger to pretend to be Frankie’s Da’ for a day and then leave.

21. Derailed (Grade B+) is a suspense thriller about a successful ad exec and loyal family man Charles, meets an alluring and sexy woman on his morning commute. But this casual meeting quickly turns dangerous when a violent criminal confronts and pulls them into a dangerous plot.

22. Disneyland: The First 50 Magical Years (Grade A-) Using archival photographs, familiar Disney tunes, narration by Walt Disney himself and newly discovered film footage, audiences will relive their own favorite Disneyland memories. Along the way they will catch glimpses of some of the park’s more famous visitors through the years, beloved attractions (past and present) and the numerous special events and entertainment that have characterized the spirit of Disneyland over the past 50 years.

23. Downfall ( Grade A) a masterpiece, depicting the final days of the Third Reich.

24. Domino ( Grade D-) The life story of model-turned- bounty-hunter Domino Harvey struggles to get out of this overwrought and excessive biopic.

25. Dreamer (Grade B+) a trainer and his daughter nurse an injured horse back to health with an eye on racing her in the Breeder's Cup.

26. Dukes of Hazard, (Grade C-) Here is a movie featuring Jessica Simpson, that certainly has two points in its favor.

27. Dust to Glory (Grade B-) a documentary on the Baja 1000, an annual off-road race held in Baja, Mexico that attracts hundreds of racers, their souped-up machines, and thousands of fans.

28. Family Stone, The (Grade B) far too uptight, a woman accompanies her boyfriend to his family's annual Christmas celebration and finds that she's a fish out of water in their way of life.

29. Fantastic Four (Grade C-) In Fantastic Four, Marvel Comics' flagship supergroup suffers defeat from its own version of Kryptonite--weak direction and a weak script.

30. Fever Pitch (Grade B) Obsessive sport fanatics everywhere will surely recognize parts of themselves in Fever Pitch. This is a surprisingly uncluttered romantic comedy about a successful woman who falls in love with the perfect guy, but ends up having to compete with his first love: the Boston Red Sox.

31. Flight Plan (Grade B+) this is another remake of Alfred Hitchcock's 1938 film, The Lady Vanishes, but it is still a near-flawless setup with a satisfying conclusion, albeit far-fetched. There are strong performances across the board and a rising tension that carries throughout the entire movie.

32. Fun With Dick and Jane (Grade C-) social commentary mingles with stupid comedy in Fun with Dick and Jane, a flaccid, film about a well-off couple who turn to petty crime after the ruthless American capitalist machine royally screws them over.

33. Get Rich or Die Tryin' (Grade C+) 50 spends the film with one look on his face, and it’s the look that you imagine a caveman would have when confronted with a cellphone.

34. Golden Dreams (Grade B+) Whoopi Goldberg stars as the "Spirit of California," in this look at California history.

35. Great Raid, The (Grade B-) Though the climax of the film -- the actual raid -- is exciting, the rest of it is bogged down in too many subplots and runs on for too long.

36. Guess Who (Grade C-) this loose, pointless remake of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner at least suggests that American racial attitudes have improved since 1967.

37. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Grade A-) Harry finds himself selected as an underaged competitor in a dangerous multi-wizardary school competition. Parents, be forewarned--this isn’t kid’s stuff anymore.

38. Herbie: Fully Loaded (Grade B-) is that modern rarity, a genial, sweet-natured family film, G-rated and proud of it, an old-fashioned Disney movie to the core.

39. Hitch (Grade B-) Will Smith has definitely made a wise career move, turning in another charismatic performance. But as engaging and hilarious as Hitch is, it also can't quite pull it off without just a few, er, hitches.

40. House of D (Grade B-) the critics hated David Duchovny’s feature-film debut as a writer-director in a very funny, very poignant film.

41. House of Wax ( Grade F+) Yet another teens-versus- hillbillies slasher flick.

42. Hustle & Flow (Grade B) a pimp in a mid-life crisis wants to be a hip-hop star, so he hustles his hometown and superstar rapper to get a record made.

43. Ice Harvest, The (Grade B) A dim-bulb lawyer attempts a Christmas Eve crime, hoping to swindle the local mob out of some money. But his partner, a strip club owner, has different plans for the cash.

44. Ice Princess ( Grade A-) yet another modern-day fairy tale about a science nerd who turns into a figure skater. All this heartwarming, feel-good fare was a welcome change of pace.

45. In Good Company ( Grade C+) Although it sounds like a run-of-the-mill dramedy about a middle-aged exec forced to deal with a younger boss, In Good Company impresses you in a quietly sublime way.

46. In the Mix (Grade C-) when the hottest DJ around inadvertently saves the life of a Mafia princess, the reward for his bravery is a job protecting the woman from danger.

47. Interpreter, The (Grade B-) Trying to ooze political intrigue, The Interpreter--a film about a United Nations linguist who overhears an assassination plot--instead comes dangerously close to being a giant snore-fest. Powered by commanding performances from its leads, however, it manages to perk up in parts.

48. Island, The (Grade C) another loud and bombastic summer movie where explosions and chases matter more than characters, dialogue, or plot.

49. Jarhead ( Grade B) This first person account of the first Gulf War scores with its performances and cinematography but lacks an emotional thrust.

50. Just Friends (Grade D+) a flat, wearisome romantic comedy with drearily commonplace and often predictable slapstick comedy, creating a lifeless mass of mirthless torture.

51. Just Like Heaven (Grade B-) although it has a promising start, Just Like Heaven ends up being nothing more than a predictable, mildly entertaining yet badly executed romantic comedy.

52. Kicking and Screaming (Grade D+) the most agonizing ingredient in this tedious film, is the sting of watching Will Ferrell, revert to the same old one-note, dim-bulb clowning that this aggressively stupid plot seems to bring out in him.

53. Kids in America (Grade F-) a dreadful, stupid, load of crap.

54. King Kong (Grade A) a film crew filming a movie on an uncharted island stumble upon many strange, dangerous creatures, including 'Kong', a giant ape who captures the lead actress. This film is spectacular, awesome, phenomenal and breathtaking.

55. Kingdom of Heaven ( Grade B) is definitely a compelling slice of history revolving around the Crusades, but unfortunately boils down to just another tiresome sword-clashing, blood-and-guts epic.

56. Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (Grade B-) a murder mystery brings together a private eye, a struggling actress, and a thief masquerading as an actor.

57. Layer Cake (Grade B-) Fast paced and complex, Layer Cake rewards those who appreciate nasty thugs, cold-blooded crime lords, strong brutal violence, sexuality, pervasive language and drug use.

58. Legend of Zorro, The (Grade B-) a little older, a little less sexy, a little more complicated: Zorro imitates life.

59. Living Sea, The (IMAX)( Grade A) created for exhibition in IMAX Theaters, THE LIVING SEA explores the Earth's largest bodies of water and their inhabitants.

60. Lord of War (Grade B) is an oddly satisfying mesh of an international action-adventure with an extremely dark satire about the global arms trade.

61. Magnificent Desolation - Walking on the Moon 3D (IMAX) (Grade A) This inspirational 3D IMAX film approximates for audiences what it is like to set steps on the moon.

62. Man of the House (Grade C+) a Texas Ranger must protect a group of cheerleaders who have witnessed a murder. He finds that protecting witnesses is a challenge. Living with them is impossible.

63. March of the Penguins (Grade A) this is the story of one year in the life of an emperor penguin flock - and one couple in particular - as they trek across the Antarctic on an annual journey that invokes just about every major life experience, from birth to death, from dating to mating, from comedy to tragedy, and from love to fighting for survival.

64. Million Dollar Baby (Grade A) 2004 Academy Award for Best Picture. Million Dollar Baby is the crowning achievement in an incredible career of a true American icon, Clint Eastwood.

65. Millions (Grade B) just how much is money really worth? This British film tackles this weighty subject under the guise of children. But don't let the branding of "family tale" fool you into thinking this is a simple photoplay; Millions is bursting with questions about morality, spirituality and family duty.

66. Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous (Grade C-) Congenial, maybe, but hardly fabulous.

67. Mr. & Mrs. Smith (Grade C-) John and Jane Smith are an ordinary suburban couple with an ordinary, lifeless suburban marriage. But each is hiding something the other would kill to know: Mr. and Mrs. Smith are actually highly paid, incredibly efficient assassins, and they work for competing organizations.

68. Monster-in-Law ( Grade D+) Watching this film is a chore best reserved for a day when the flu has rendered you incapable of the ability to discriminate between good and bad.

69. Must Love Dogs (Grade B-) Must Love Dogs tells the story of Sarah Nolan, a newly divorced woman cautiously rediscovering romance with the enthusiastic but often misguided help of her well-meaning family.

70. Mystery of the Nile (IMAX) (Grade A) On Christmas day of 2003, a team of explorers set out on an epic quest to become the first to complete a full descent of the world's greatest river, the Blue Nile and the Nile, from source to sea. Four months later, the expedition reached the mouth of the Nile at the Mediterranean Sea, becoming the first in history to complete this 3,250-mile journey.

71. Nobody Knows (Grade A) a powerful, engrossing, downright haunting motion picture about child abandonment. Based on actual events.

72. North Country (Grade B+) we've seen the story before – women must overcome unfair hardships and harassment to make it in the workplace.

73. Off the Map(Grade B+) The quietly eccentric characters in Off The Map come off as genuine, fascinating, and extremely likeable people who are living like Thoreau in 1974 New Mexico.

74. Pacifier, The (Grade C+) The film is the story of an undercover agent who, after failing to protect an important government scientist, learns the man's family is in danger. In an effort to redeem himself, he agrees to take care of the man's children only to discover that child care is his toughest mission yet.

75. Perfect Man, The (Grade C+) isn't perfect, but it's not bad company for 100 minutes. It has mostly charming actors. It has a mostly clever script, and its comic devices are mostly fresh.

76. Phantom of the Opera, The (Grade B-) is a gorgeous, lush, magical looking film that is failed by some bad acting, and ruined by perhaps the worst singer on the planet, Gerald Butler, crucifying the title role.

77. Pride & Prejudice (Grade A-) The story is based on Jane Austen's novel about five sisters - Jane, Elizabeth, Mary, Kitty and Lydia Bennet - in Georgian England whose lives are turned upside down by a wealthy young man, Mr Bingley and his best friend, Mr Darcy.

78. Prime (Grade C+) a gentle comedy that weaves a tale of two lovers trying to keep the flame alive as an unusual obstacle is hurled in their path.

79. Red Eye (Grade B) Lisa Reisert hates to fly, but the terror that awaits her on the night flight to Miami has nothing to do with a fear of flying.

80. Sahara (Grade B-) though at times the film certainly stretches the believability factor, it is always engaging, always fun, and light with moments of strong tension.

81. Sharks 3D (IMAX) (Grade A) brings audiences face to face with a multitude of the world's great sharks species, including the Great White, Whale Shark and Hammerhead.

82. Shopgirl (Grade C+) There's an emptiness at the core of Shopgirl, so that moments meant to be humorous or poignant are instead ineffective.

83. Sin City (Grade D- ) is a stylized and lifeless depiction of humanity. It’s extremely sad to me to see viewers paying good money to view this violent abomination on the screen.

84. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, The (Grade B+) By creating some endearing and genuine teenage characters, the movie really gets to you by the end. ...I fought back tears.

85. Sky High (Grade B+) this highly derivative superhero coming-of-age flick is moderately entertaining, family-friendly fluff.

86. Sons of Provo (Grade C+) a mockumentary in which members of a Mormon pop band search for a replacement.

87. Squid and the Whale, The (Grade B) tells the touching story of two young boys dealing with their parents divorce in Brooklyn in the 1980's.

88. Stealth (Grade C+) this high-action flight movie centers on a team of three stealth bomber pilots who are forced to fly with EDI (Extreme Deep Invader), a computer-manned prototype plane that specializes in extra-precision bombing.

89. Star Wars: Episode III -- Revenge of the Sith. (Grade B) this sixth and final installment of George Lucas' epic space opera will please die-hard fanatics and non-believers alike -- largely due to technically awesome digital effects and the sheer power of a 28-year old mythology embedded in the fibers of American culture.

90. Syriana (Grade C+) a politically-charged epic about the state of the oil industry in the hands of those personally involved and affected by it.

91. Tall Tales of the South (Grade B+) is a multi-sensory 4D adventure. If you are wondering what a 4D attraction is versus 3D, you will not only feel like you are experiencing what you are seeing on the screen thanks to special 3D glasses, but at certain times you actually feel the movie – you get sprinkled with real water, smell aromas and feel “things” on your seat.

92. Transporter 2 (Grade B+) a stylish and more focused sequel to The Transporter, the movie is over-the-top fun for fans of the first movie.

93. Undiscovered ( Grade D) a film about aspiring actresses and musicians, lacks originality and a convincing plot.

94. Unleashed ( Grade C-) Brutal and bizarre, with a preposterous story.

95. Upside of Anger, The (Grade B) after being abandoned by her husband, a woman finds her life changed when a once-great baseball star steps in as her drinking buddy and becomes an ad-hoc member of the dysfunctional family.

96. Valiant (Grade C) a computer-animated comedy-adventure tale of a brave-but-undersized pigeon named Valiant, serving crown and country during World War II.

97. Walk the Line (Grade A-) a chronicle of country music legend Johnny Cash's life, from his early days on an Arkansas cotton farm to his rise to fame with Sun Records in Memphis, where he recorded alongside Elvis Presley, Jerry Lee Lewis and Carl Perkins.

98. War of the Worlds (Grade B+) one of the better versions of H.G. Wells' classic novel, reveals the extraordinary battle for the future of humankind through the eyes of one American family fighting to survive it.

99. Weather Man, The (Grade B) David Spritz is a successful Chicago weatherman who for reasons beyond his understanding, frequently gets fast-food thrown at him on the street.

100. Wedding Crashers, The (Grade B+) John Beckwith and Jeremy Grey are business partners and life-long friends who share one truly unique springtime hobby…crashing weddings!

101. Wedding Date, The (Grade C+) Yes, The Wedding Date has been done many times before, and you won't be too surprised by the outcome. But hey, watching two unlikely but terribly appealing folks get together is what all us romantic comedy aficionados seem to love.

102. Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill, The (Grade A) The true story of a Bohemian "St. Francis" and his remarkable relationship with a flock of wild green-and-red parrots: Mark Bittner, a dharma bum, a homeless street musician in San Francisco, falls in with the flock as he searches for meaning in his life--unaware that the wild parrots will bring him everything he needs.

103. Wild Safari 3D: South African Adventure (IMAX) (Grade A) takes the viewer along for a three thousand-mile ride in an open air vehicle on a game drive through nature reserves of Africa on a quest to see the Big Five, the most dangerous and spectacular animals on the continent.

104. Winter Solstice (Grade C+) this is a solemn film about three men sharing a broken household. The father is just trying to keep it all together. His sons resent him, unable to escape the memory of their late mother. Change comes in the form of a sunny housesitter who romances the father.

105. Yours, Mine and Ours (Grade C-) a widowed Coast Guard Admiral and a widow handbag designer fall in love and marry, much to the dismay of her 10 and his 8 children.

106. Zathura (Grade A) Dazzling special effects for the kids + well-crafted storytelling for the Parents = cinematic satisfaction for the whole family.