|
June 21, 2009
Dear Dad,
In addition to wishing you a Happy Fathers Day, I want to express my
appreciation for you and the role you play in my life. Over the past 2
years or so, I have encountered and endured a number of life changing
events. (I'm going to list them because I know you have an affinity for
lists): Beating cancer, moving cross country to start a fellowship, selecting
a job, and ending a romantic relationship/friendship. Each of these events
took what felt like my entire focus during the peak of the decision. And
at each, you were always available to me as an objective voice of reason.
You always took as much time as I needed despite your busy schedule. You
always had good advice. You were always encouraging and uplifting. I know
that I got through each with a more clear head and my sanity because of
your guidance and availability. So I want to thank you, sincerely, for
that.
Second, I have been reflecting these past few weeks on life, on how I
got to this point, and on where I am going from here. There are a few
very important lessons/mantras that I hold close. Most of them stem from
your influence and/or things you have said or shared with me during my
life. I wanted to share these with you. Now, you may read this and think
that this is all about Kenny and not about Dad. But it is meant as an
illustration of your success as a Dad, not my own hubris. I could easily
go on about your successes in life (career, education, travel, goals,
etc.), but I wanted to focus on what you have meant to me as my Dad.
1. Find a passion and follow it. You told me when I was very young,
with aspirations of becoming a professional football player, that the
numbers were probably stacked against me in that particular dream. Your
recommendation at that time was to find a career or body of work that
I would enjoy and be passionate about. The income, contentment and happiness
would follow. I am grateful every day to have chosen a career that I
enjoy and am passionate about.
2. Most of life's lessons are learned from failures, not successes.
You have enjoyed many successes in life, but you have expressed and
I have observed that you have always learned the most from failures.
I realize that there is no reason to fear failure. You've raised me
as a conservative, thoughtful person and the risks I take are usually
very calculated. But I am learning not to fear failure and always be
on the lookout for the proverbial silver lining. It makes life much
less stressful and more enjoyable.
3. Make health a priority. Though I am a medical professional, I admit
that I have felt unbreakable in the past. This all changed in September
2007 as it did for you in the past when you have been derailed by illness.
Now, I pay attention to my body, to fatigue, to diet, and most importantly
to my mental health. This has all led me to a happier, less stressful
life. I do not know when I will be struck again with illness or injury
(cancer recurrence, heart problems, blood pressure, accident, etc.).
I only know that it is inevitable and I am doing what I can to be prepared
to beat it.
4. Take time for yourself. You have always been very good about taking
time to decompress and reflect on your life, your goals, and the next
step. Life can get moving pretty rapidly when we have many things in
life to juggle. I admire that you have always set aside time to journal
and to watch movies ( a lot of movies). I am sure that this has helped
you keep things in perspective. I have learned that time spent alone,
in the quiet, can be incredibly productive and rejuvenating when it
is needed. After all, it is perhaps most important to like ourselves
as this enhances all relationships.
5. Follow your gut. This has historically been very difficult for me,
especially in major life decisions that would change a status quo (i.e.,
breaking up with a girlfriend). You pointed out recently that you did
not think that my gut had ever steered me wrong in this regard; or indeed,
in any regard. I think this is true. Whatever the source of that force
(be it God, karma, or our natural sense of self preservation) it is
very real. I am learning to follow that as it generally leads to doors
that were waiting to be opened for me.
6. Take time for your loved ones. You have always taken the time to
give each kid their own personal attention. Each of your kids has had
several trips with you (so-called "daddy-daughter bonding").
Instead of trying to make things always equal, you have made us each
feel special an equal amount of the time. I appreciate your frequently
checking in and letting me know that you care about me and wish me well.
I have found that I have adopted this into my life, trying to remain
in touch with my close friends and family to let them know I love them.
I have also adopted the habit of verbose, often rambling voice mail
messages. It's good to be thorough.
So, in reflecting on my life so far, I have enjoyed successes and endured
failures. And I will encounter both during the next chapters in my life.
Though my drive is personal, I have always gained satisfaction during
the times I felt like I had made you proud. From hitting two out and beating
the Reds in a little league playoff game to being on the Orthopaedic faculty
at a prestigious University. Thank you for guiding me through my successes
and failures. Thank you for succeeding as a father.
Happy Fathers Day.
With Love,
Kenny
|
